I have a simple philosophy when it comes to war. If it is important enough to send my neighbors kid, it is important enough for me to go. Otherwise, nah.
I would maybe go for a deal something similar to what was done in the North during the South’s revolution but with higher stakes. Instead of paying someone a trivial sum to take your spot, they get 3/4 of everything you have. Is it still an existential crisis? This would apply to anyone in government regardless of age or sex.
I understand the boiling a frog scenario. Those in power need to understand the boy that cried wolf scenario because I understand the kids that put crap in a bag and light it on fire on your porch and knock on your door.