This how you do propaganda.
The video has closed captions if it is unclear. “Footnotes” from comments:
[–] rhubarbjin Best Ukraine Meme and Best Video 2022 [S] 81 points 14 hours ago*
Hopak-dancing Russians in the summer snow. It’s 100% accurate. [YouTube]
(The song is a parody of “A Rumor in Saint Petersburg” from Don Bluth’s 1997 animated movie Anastasia.)
I guess this is practically ancient history now. If I include footnotes, can we pretend it’s educational content?
[0:08] That’s “Yevgeny V. Prigozhin” in Cyrillic. Our favorite warlord died on 23 Aug 2023, just one day after I finished writing the lyrics to this song. How inconsiderate of him.
[0:53] Sergei Shoigu is Russia’s Minister of Defense. Despite his blinged-out general’s uniform, he has never served in the military. All his medals were designed by himself and awarded to himself by himself.
[0:57] Yevgeny Prigozhin’s career can only be described as “eclectic.” He’s been a petty criminal, a street food vendor, a catering magnate, and he arguably perfected the business model of the “troll farm.” Of course, nowadays he’s most famous for being the public face of the Wagner Group.
[1:05] Shoigu and Prigozhin absolutely loathed each other and competed for prestige within Putin’s inner circle. Throughout late 2022 and early 2023 there was friction between Russian M.o.D. soldiers and Wagner mercenaries, sometimes erupting into actual firefights. Shoigu began to withhold military equipment, prompting Prigozhin to publish a series of increasingly vitriolic videos on his Telegram channels that culminated with his infamous “where is the f***ing ammo?!” rant.
[1:19] While the Wagner Group was on their “March of Justice” towards Moscow, Alexander Lukashenko (president dictator of Belarus) presented himself as a mediator and helped broker an agreement between Prigozhin and Putin. Well, at least that’s what he says. We’ll probably never know what actually happened, but by the end of the day the “March of Justice” was over and Wagner fighters withdrew to newly-erected camps in Belarus.
[1:24] Prigozhin was very insistent that he was not staging a coup (just, y’know, a military convoy driving towards the country’s capital seeking to replace some of its leadership). Despite his insistence to the contrary, there was wild speculation that Prigozhin had his eyes on the presidency itself.
[1:28] Ramzan Kadyrov, the leader of Chechnya, has his own private army who is fighting on behalf of Russia. Well, allegedly. They mostly film themselves wielding high-end equipment against invisible enemies in obviously-staged skirmishes, and then post about it on social media. When Wagner fighters took over Rostov-on-Don, the Kadyrovites published a video claiming they were on their way to crush the rebellion. Predictably, they never showed up in Rostov-on-Don… Their excuse? They got stuck in a traffic jam.
[1:38] There’s an often-quoted anecdote about Putin: In 1989, shortly after the fall of the Berlin wall, a crowd of protesters threatened to break into the Stasi HQ where Putin was stationed. His superiors informed him that “We cannot do anything without orders from Moscow, and Moscow is silent.” That event supposedly drove him to become president, so that Moscow would never be silent again in times of crisis. Kind of ironic, then, that the Wagner rebellion triggered complete paralysis in the Russian leadership and the mercenaries encountered no resistance on their drive towards Moscow.
[1:54] Today’s word is “apparatchik,” a derogatory term for a bureaucrat in the Soviet state apparatus. An apparatchik frequently transfers between different areas of responsibility with little actual training, is generally incompetent, and is only in it for the job benefits.
[2:06] As soon as news broke out, the Russian leadership withdrew into fortified bunkers while dozens of private jets took off from Moscow airports. No one knew what was gonna happen and everyone wanted to get out of the way. Putin was mockingly nicknamed “grandpa in the bunker” because of this.
[2:42] Interestingly, the citizens of Rostov-on-Don greeted Wagner mercenaries like pop stars. People on the streets wanted to shake hands and take selfies with them. Did they not realize what was happening, or did they not care?