Hey there all,
this may be somewhat personal, but you can read on or pass it by…
Almost four years ago I lost my wife. She died suddenly of a heart attack in my arms, so to speak. I was doing CPR and she almost was getting color back, but when the ambulance arrived with the medical personnel, they did not have a working oxygen supply. They shocked her and gave a shot directly into her heart, but we lost her.
I’m still overly upset of loosing someone I knew for over forty years and was married to for over thirty years.
I loved her deeply…
I couldn’t take it anymore by myself so I sought help and well someone to talk about this with, a group at my church, a Grief Support Group.
It has helped me some. And as a participating member of the group I made up these business cards to pass out to, (was a typo there), the members. The cards were well received. Allow me to share them with you.
(If I can figure out how to post two images that is…)
I don’t think it will ever end…
Today, the 17th was her birthday. She would have been 69.
I went by the supermarket bought a few groceries and dog food, a case of bottled water and an autumn themed bouquet.
I went by her grave today and the glass vase I left there was still there. I dumped out what water was in it and mixed the “keep fresh” powder that came with the flowers with three bottles of water.
I put the flowers in the vase and talked to her a little.
I talk to her every day, but somehow at the grave site it tears me up.
I’m paying close attention. My wife, Gigi, just finished 7 months of nasty chemo for Stage 3 primary peritoneal cancer. It is considered incurable and chemo results “poor”. Survival statistics are grim.
Nonetheless, we have settled in to the new abnormal and have learned to take one day at a time. I have actually felt a clear sense of purpose, which has lessened my lifelong existential angst. I have some worrisome neurological symptoms which suggest to me the MD I may not be around too many more years (I’m 80). My goal is to stay around as long as I can be helpful to Gigi. After that, I have no plans. As she has limits to how much she will endure, so do I, once I’m no longer needed (and assuming I don’t go first).
Old age is both a blessing and a curse. I’m acutely aware that my ancestors and previous generations were insecure in their old age, to say the least. I’m counting my blessings.
