Coming Soon from Fourmilab: The Current Thing Wireless Connected Hat

curthing

It can be so difficult keeping up with “The Current Thing”:

  • Occupy Wall Street
  • I’m with Her
  • I Can’t Breathe
  • Black Lives Matter
  • Defund the Police
  • Refugees Welcome
  • Decolonize the Curriculum
  • Bathroom Equality
  • Climate Emergency
  • No Wall, No USA at All
  • Remove Oppressive Statues
  • Green New Deal
  • Respect My Pronouns
  • Masks Save Lives
  • Vaccinate and Boost
  • Defend Ukraine

It’s hard keeping it all straight, and can be expensive to stay current, what with the price of Chinese baseball caps and T-shirts these days. Some have given up and opted for the generic approach:

isupport

but you don’t have to settle for a cheap cap-out any longer, because Fourmilab announces The Current Thing Connected Hat.

  • Wireless 3G/4G/5G mobile connectivity
  • Bright 16×2 LED character display for the longest slogans
  • Receives free updates via SMS from Narrative Central whenever the Current Thing changes
  • No charger needed—recharges kinetically from rapid head nodding
  • Back strap adjustable for hat sizes 00 through 2
  • “Blend in” feature automatically senses slogans of nearby wearers over Bluetooth and conforms to the majority

Stay with the Narrative! — Conform to the Crowd! — Demonstrate your Individuality!

Order Fourmilab Current Thing Wireless Connected Hat today!

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Most versions of this meme do not have a blue mask. Thanks for posting that version because it captures the idiocy with greater fidelity than the one found on Know Your Meme. My nonexistent photoshop skills are not up to the task of inserting a mask.

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Just in time for summer vacation / WW III (translation for government schooled “world war three”).

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Of course the version for Jeb! supporters would use BTLE.

To bad you don’t know a good patent attorney.

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This is brilliant! This is exactly the right cutting-edge technology that I was looking for long time. Finally is available. Where I can order one?

Also can there be also some upgrade which would added some blockchain or fin-tech into that head? Something like money to everyone via contract-derivate based scheme which will make so big profit and gain value indefinitely so I don’t have to work anymore and can retire without any real work done.

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As long as you live your life experience. Who can question your own lived experience? Nobody. You are golden.

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Should come with a shock collar accessory that can help the wearer gradually train him/her/zir/themself out of double-plus-ungood thinking

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Marc Andreessen, who has been vigorously promoting the concept of The Current Thing, posted a sketch of its recent genealogy on Twitter.

This provoked a thread with many suggested additions, which you can view by clicking the tweet. Here are a few.

… Ukraine …

… «Je suis Charlie» …

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Harambe FTW!

Coincidentally, I saw this Andreessen tweet yesterday:

…and Elon Musk replied:

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Behold the Changing of the Current Thing.

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Should it charge from nodding or from a more negative motion?

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image

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Max Read in Slate is all a-twitter, asking, “What Is ‘The Current Thing’?

A vacuous meme? A sly insult? The secret key to the Discourse?

As is often the case with the memes adopted by the would-be intellectuals of the tech right, Andreessen and his ilk have been treating this silly bit as a grand key to understanding American politics and discourse. Richard Hanania—one of those weird right-wing randos who appear on the scene out of nowhere every few months, suddenly raised to Twitter prominence for some occult algorithmic/dark-money reason that we will never get a good answer about—wrote a long newsletter in which he endorses opposing The Current Thing as a “heuristic”: “I would argue that a probabilistic approach suggests that we should be anti-current thing.” Andreessen, meanwhile, is captivated by it as a description of processes that he sees everywhere:

“[W]ould-be intellectual of the tech right, [Marc] Andreessen” co-authored the first graphical Web browser, Mosaic, founded Netscape, and later co-founded legendary Silicon Valley venture capital firm Andreessen Horowitz.

Slate columnist “Max Read is the author of Read Max, a newsletter about technology and culture, and is a former Gawker and New York magazine editor.”

They’re worried.

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CURRENT THING SMS UPDATE BROADCAST 2022-05-21T12:41Z
DISPLAY: “MONKEYPOX”
END

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John the hat should be able to automatically update what the next thing is as the newsfeed on Twitter updates. That way all Fourmilab patrons are always on the cutting edge of virtue signaling.

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That decline at the end sure was quick.

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Slowly, then all at once.

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